What is bullying?
What are the signs that a child may be being bullied?
Who is likely to be a target or perpetrator of bullying?
What are the key factors in preventing and dealing with bullying?
What to do if you suspect your child is being bullied?
If you suspect your child may be involved in bullying someone else:
Bullying constitutes a series of incidents of name-calling, social exclusion, stealing of possessions or physical attacks that go on over a period of time. It is not usually a one-off incident. It is intended to target and harass an individual or individuals and can be carried out by an individual pupil or a group of pupils.
Some of the warning signs to be aware of are the following: (However all of these can be due to other reasons also). Unwilling to go to school or avoiding particular classes, frightened to go to and from school alone, arriving home or at school late, deterioration in work, loss of books, clothing or money, coming home hungry, changes in eating or sleeping pattern, starting bedwetting. Children may seem withdrawn, to lose confidence, to have temper outbursts or to cry a lot.
Some pupils are more vulnerable for a variety of reasons but anyone can be bullied. Also anyone can be involved in bullying others.
- There is a need for joint working and a partnership between parents and school staff.
- All schools should have a clear policy for dealing with incidents of bullying. This will be a crucial factor in both prevention and tackling incidents.
- Schools with a caring and inclusive ethos which encourages tolerance and values positive peer relationships are likely to be more successful.
- Allow opportunities for them to tell you or someone else about it. Use TV programmes, books, personal experiences to communicate regularly about the issue in a general way.
- Take it seriously and do not underestimate the problem for the child.
- Reassure them that it is not their fault.
- Tell your child that it is the responsibility of adults to help resolve the difficulty. It is not usually helpful to suggest that children ‘stand up for themselves’ or ‘fight back’. They will not usually be capable of doing so and may make themselves more vulnerable.
- Ask for an interview with your child’s teacher or head teacher.
- Ask school about their policy for dealing with bullying incidents.
- Formulate a joint plan.
- Be aware that simple punishment of those involved in the bullying may not be effective. Approaches which take a positive approach in involving the group of children (participants and bystanders) to consider the feeling of the victim and to resolve the difficulty are often more effective.
- Get a clear idea of the action that is being taken.
- Make a time to come back and check whether plan has worked.
- Consider whether your child may need help to become more assertive, learn more appropriate social interaction skills etc. However this is not a substitute for dealing with the bullying itself.
- Make an appointment to speak to a member of school staff about your concerns.
- Talk in a general way to your child about tolerance of difference, how it would feel to be left out, portrayals of bullying incidents on TV etc. Get them to share their views.
- Give a clear message to your child that bullying is unacceptable.
- Help your child see the point of view of the child who has been targeted.